Going Slow

It has been beautiful warm summer days these last few weeks and this means one moves at a slower pace.  More relaxed and less sense of rush. 

Yesterday a friend said that she felt silly with nothing to do.  She was struggling with "rest" and being still.    All too often these two are equated with laziness, or uselessness.  In our crazy world we have to "do" to be of value.  Why can't we just "be" and know we are valuable?  This brings up a whole other subject of how we see our own worth.  It made me think of an evening dinner I had where  a new picture of rest was painted for me.  The following is what I saw:
 
Lately I have felt restless inside and in the evenings when I am tired I just flop down into a chair and blank out.  Why I ask myself?  Why do I feel this way?  Why am I not getting into some activity or being useful?

Prayerfully a friend pointed out that maybe after coming home and feeling so tired I felt that if I go into God’s presence I will have to work and study and learn?!
And indeed I did feel this way.  I would have to come and prove to God that I am wanting to learn and grow.  “Prove” is the operative word here!  I needed to prove something to God and this was too much work.  God doesn’t need me to prove anything to Him -  such pride in my heart that thinks I would need to!!! 

So once again – I went to the Artist of my soul, to my Abba, asking Him to paint me a picture of what Rest looks like so that I can see it His way and not in this negative way of my own.

That very evening I was sitting in Capers for supper.  It was quite early so the restaurant had no one else in it, but late enough for the sun to just be lowering enough to leave magnificent colours across the horizon.  The peace and tranquility of the setting sun, the empty restaurant and enjoying a cup of coffee.  

Outside on the verandah the chairs were stacked up, umbrellas closed down and tables stark, naked and empty.  The summer season is still 5 months away and they sit  here unused and seemingly abandoned.    My Abba gently said to me “ah My child – this is what you think of rest.  You think it means you are useless and forgotten or of no value at this moment while you rest.  You think you must be doing and active to get My attention and be noticed.  Oh beloved one – come and look inside now.”

And so my attention came to the very spot where I was.  Sitting at a little table for two by the window, a candle flame gently danced before me.  A crisp linen tablecloth that was fresh and clean and added a touch of elegance.  I felt so contented and I felt a completeness and peace in being exactly who I am.   The quietness of the restaurant with gentle music touched the romantic in me. 

And so my Abba continued.  “My child here you are feeling such peace in this moment, and I have come to join you for dinner.  This my child is rest!  It is simply my coming to join you where you are and we are being companions.  I am your Beloved and you are Mine and tonight we will have dinner together.  Oh you don’t need to tell Me anything or explain anything….just let Me join you for dinner.  I know that dinner for two is something your heart longs for and at this moment I am your partner for dinner.  Isn’t it lovely, just the two of us together?   This is rest – enjoying each other’s company without any expectations. Just to be together in the moment and know that it is love that is the colour of it.   I love you.”

Ah rest….just being with Him and letting the moment unfold as He joins you.  Rest that is soul deep!
 January 2003
 
These thoughts again make me ponder nel mezzo mia vita - in the middle of my life. Thoughts on crossroads, stopping, resting, waiting.
"Stop right where you are! Look for the old, godly way, and walk in it.  Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls."   Jeremiah 6