The book Tiny Dancer is the story of a 9 year old girl in Afghanistan who was severely burned by a kerosene stove in the family home. In the first weeks of this tragedy, as she clung to life, in excruciating pain, neighbours and family would gather and begin wailing with the parents and the child. This is sometimes the only way to join in the pain of the one who is suffering – to vocalize it with loud and prolonged wailing.
I have never understood why some cultures do this – wail so loudly when sorrow comes into their lives. This explanation gave me a difference perspective on how we suffer with others, how we rejoice with others.
Our Western culture allows us to participate in the joy and celebrations of others with cheering, laughing, lots of activity and noise. Yet in sorrow we are silent and withdrawn. Why is grief meant to by silent? Why we are afraid to let our lamenting be heard? Long ago it was said “rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.” I am sure you, like I, have been in deep sorrow yet there has been no one to sorrow with us, or to want to celebrate and we have been alone.
Candy wrote of a lament service here which is an amazing way of letting sorrow be heard, be felt, be participated in.
Waiting with others in their place of suffering is revealing to my mind, my heart, my soul, that it means more than prayer, more than acknowledging to the Almighty that we love them, care for them and ask for answers. Perhaps it means that if I am to wait with them, or they with me, together we will feel the pain and the angst that cannot be avoided, walked around, or ignored. Could it be that it gives us a glimpse of Jesus actions when he said he would never leave us or forsake us? Is this what was meant by sharing burdens with each other? Could it be that by vocalizing joy and sorrow with others is doing what Jesus did and part of learning to truly be an apprentice? His senses were so alive and aware and we were created to be the same. Somewhere we have received the message to dull those senses, and our expressions of joy and grief. Expressions of our own and participating in the joy and sorrow of others. This waiting with others reveals the honor, and the pain of participating in this part of the journey.
In the past I have felt that if a burden was shared with another then they were obliged to try and “fix” the issue. Wailing in pain to simply give voice to the one that is suffering is not about “fixing” – rather it is being able to acknowledge and lend your voice to their pain. Acknowledging the heart also means you (body, mind and soul) have been seen, in part, by another.
What would it look like if in my agonizing pain, or your agonizing pain, we were not afraid to wail together?
What would the suffering of this world be like if we were all to weep and wail with those who are starving, in slavery, in horrific abuse?
I do believe the Almighty, They, participate in the wailing.
Etchings - tentative outlines from which to move as one learns to be more contemplative, to move into this pilgrimage of life and embrace the Mystery that asks us to live with unknowns and surprises.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
A Mediation
Oh Lord, my God,
the Highest God,
the Creator of heaven and earth,
my Shield and the Shield of my ancestors -
It's easy to ask you to return in mercy to Zion.
It's tough to ask you to return in mercy to me.
But there are so many dirty corners,
so many dark crannies,
so many prejudices and preconceptions
that only you can see.
Do I really want you to return to my life - even if it hurts?
Do I really want you to transform me - whatever the cost?
Do I really want you?
I hope so.
Yet, I need so much more than hope.
I need help.
I need you.
Pg 53
Praying Like The Jew, Jesus
the Highest God,
the Creator of heaven and earth,
my Shield and the Shield of my ancestors -
It's easy to ask you to return in mercy to Zion.
It's tough to ask you to return in mercy to me.
But there are so many dirty corners,
so many dark crannies,
so many prejudices and preconceptions
that only you can see.
Do I really want you to return to my life - even if it hurts?
Do I really want you to transform me - whatever the cost?
Do I really want you?
I hope so.
Yet, I need so much more than hope.
I need help.
I need you.
Pg 53
Praying Like The Jew, Jesus
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Listening Rather Than Being Heard
Going beneath the surface of life, deep sea diving into the ocean of living, seems to be much more about listening rather than about being heard.
Many pilgrims over the centuries have written about their experiences in silence and how one begins to hear deeply in those places. Silence can simultaneously beckon and repel us from her presence. I am beginning to realize how much Silence and Lady Wisdom partner together in the teaching process of listening - listening to the heart, the soul, the wind of the Spirit (Ruach). She can become our own Cave of Adullam - refuge in a place of desperation.
Words can heal, or slay, and so often they are spoken but do not seem to convey what the heart longs to say. Silence becomes the refuge where one can listen and again seek the depths of life in order to find how to firstly hear ones own heart and then know whether or not it should be given words or not.
Peregrinatio est tacere - To be silent keeps us pilgrims Pg 45 The Way of the Heart
Silence can permeate through the layers of the soul, like the humidity in the density of the forest. "permeated with a deep sense of reverence for God"
The book of Acts
Perhaps one thought that Henri Nouwen puts forward in The Way of the Heart is the idea that words are for the present and silence draws us into the mystery of the future. "the word is the instrument of the present world and silence is the mystery of the future world."
pg 42
Silence, the place of listening, is a way of learning to bring the present and the hope for the future together like Silence and Lady Wisdom. Instead of a desperation to be heard we come to the place of thirsting to listen.
Many pilgrims over the centuries have written about their experiences in silence and how one begins to hear deeply in those places. Silence can simultaneously beckon and repel us from her presence. I am beginning to realize how much Silence and Lady Wisdom partner together in the teaching process of listening - listening to the heart, the soul, the wind of the Spirit (Ruach). She can become our own Cave of Adullam - refuge in a place of desperation.
Words can heal, or slay, and so often they are spoken but do not seem to convey what the heart longs to say. Silence becomes the refuge where one can listen and again seek the depths of life in order to find how to firstly hear ones own heart and then know whether or not it should be given words or not.
Peregrinatio est tacere - To be silent keeps us pilgrims Pg 45 The Way of the Heart
Silence can permeate through the layers of the soul, like the humidity in the density of the forest. "permeated with a deep sense of reverence for God"
The book of Acts
Perhaps one thought that Henri Nouwen puts forward in The Way of the Heart is the idea that words are for the present and silence draws us into the mystery of the future. "the word is the instrument of the present world and silence is the mystery of the future world."
pg 42
Silence, the place of listening, is a way of learning to bring the present and the hope for the future together like Silence and Lady Wisdom. Instead of a desperation to be heard we come to the place of thirsting to listen.
To Build A School
A group of students, radical students, are undertaking a project to build a school in Africa. What a great project! Mike has made reference to it here.
Matt over at Pacific Grace emailed me to share the idea and I am excited for him, his family, and his students. I am happy to share it with you readers as well.
Have a look at what they are doing over here at Pacific Grace and the school for Nyima Koroma.
Matt over at Pacific Grace emailed me to share the idea and I am excited for him, his family, and his students. I am happy to share it with you readers as well.
Have a look at what they are doing over here at Pacific Grace and the school for Nyima Koroma.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Contempt and Compassion
Contempt and compassion seem to live at opposite ends of the scale when it comes to how I live out the message of grace. Learning where contempt comes from, the pain and wounding that has been its living quarters, and wanting to live differently has prompted me to continue the hard work to exchange contempt for compassion, in the solitude of my own sacred space.
Coming face to face with contempt in another is like blearily looking in the mirror in the dark and someone turns on brutal fluorescent light – your own image is alarmingly reflected back.
On the one morning of sunshine in 28 days, sitting in a coffee shop looking out at the restless ocean, I pulled The Way of the Heart out of my bag, to digest some words of wisdom as I sipped on my steaming soy latte. Nouwen’s wealth of experience and his thoughts on compassion and solitude are worth sharing with you. These are words that beckon me to come and drink them in.
“Compassion is the fruit of solitude and the basis of all ministry. The purification and transformation that take place in solitude manifest themselves in compassion.”
“Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to the place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it. “
“In solitude we realize that nothing human is alien to us, that the roots of all conflict, war, injustice, cruelty, hatred, jealousy, and envy are deeply anchored in our own heart. In solitude our heart of stone can be turned into a heart of flesh, a rebellious heart into a contrite heart, and a closed heart into a heart that can open itself to all suffering people in a gesture of solidarity.”
pg 24/25 The Way of the Heart
Nouwen speaks of compassion that opens the heart, and how it comes when we look at the truth of who we are within. Perhaps the sadness about contempt that I am seeing today is that in effect contempt keeps us from acknowledging the depth of our own wounding. Contempt prevents us from holding the dark places open to the Light where the breath of the Almighty can bring the balm of healing life. Contempt keeps the heart in isolation, in darkness. I love the thought Nouwen shares of solitude yielding compassion.
That truth of solitude yielding compassion is a balm that heals the sting of contempt.
Coming face to face with contempt in another is like blearily looking in the mirror in the dark and someone turns on brutal fluorescent light – your own image is alarmingly reflected back.
On the one morning of sunshine in 28 days, sitting in a coffee shop looking out at the restless ocean, I pulled The Way of the Heart out of my bag, to digest some words of wisdom as I sipped on my steaming soy latte. Nouwen’s wealth of experience and his thoughts on compassion and solitude are worth sharing with you. These are words that beckon me to come and drink them in.
“Compassion is the fruit of solitude and the basis of all ministry. The purification and transformation that take place in solitude manifest themselves in compassion.”
“Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to the place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it. “
“In solitude we realize that nothing human is alien to us, that the roots of all conflict, war, injustice, cruelty, hatred, jealousy, and envy are deeply anchored in our own heart. In solitude our heart of stone can be turned into a heart of flesh, a rebellious heart into a contrite heart, and a closed heart into a heart that can open itself to all suffering people in a gesture of solidarity.”
pg 24/25 The Way of the Heart
Nouwen speaks of compassion that opens the heart, and how it comes when we look at the truth of who we are within. Perhaps the sadness about contempt that I am seeing today is that in effect contempt keeps us from acknowledging the depth of our own wounding. Contempt prevents us from holding the dark places open to the Light where the breath of the Almighty can bring the balm of healing life. Contempt keeps the heart in isolation, in darkness. I love the thought Nouwen shares of solitude yielding compassion.
That truth of solitude yielding compassion is a balm that heals the sting of contempt.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Invitation to Something More
Over the Christmas Holidays I sat on a high stool in the kitchen of my friend and watched her move about with lithe and melodic steps. Her hands held the eggplant, then the garlic, chopped the onion, and squash, then brushed on the veil of oil and the taste of salt making a medley of verdura to roast in the oven.
Tonight I moved in my own kitchen, sipping a glass of red wine, listening to recorded male voices serenade me in various languages. I could feel the breezes of foreign places where I have sat and sipped, and savoured and watched the footsteps and gait of those passing. The scent of strong coffee in Sorrento, Napoli, or Budapest, a side street in Kerch, a cafe tucked away in Belfast, or under the bright sun of Sofia...my mind remembers and my hands move to prepare my own roast vegetable medley for dinner.
Vegetables that have so much variety in colour, in texture, in taste, and in season or out of season they will bring you the richness that came as they were firmly nestled in the fertile soul that nurtured them.
As I hold them in my hands to prepare my evening meal I wonder why so often I neglect to give myself the gift of a delightful repast when I am alone?
I am remembering a conversation earlier today where I spoke of my desire to be more intentional as I carry out my creating as a Culinary Minister. Portions of my being know that there is more, more to give, more to be intentional about. Like the cellist who embraces the instrument more tenderly and listens for notes that hover, waiting for the chance to be heard with more purity and clarity, I too know there is more. Oh yes I prepare the menu, gather the ingredients, portion them out, prepare them and present them, but there is a scent, a precious scent that longs to have a more fragrant voice. Intention is a segment of this longing, breath another, purpose, voice...hovering where I cannot yet define it lies more. Watching the Maestro prepare creations, prepare for the unveiling there is tension and expectancy that is pregnant with life giving energy. Perhaps that is it - life giving energy is part of the fragrance that I long to serve with any repast. To become so attuned to the Spirit within, the Artist and Gift giver who has taken up residence in my soul, that when a culinary dish is taken to the table, I am aware that the Divine was there in the process. In the life giving energy is also the invitation to all who partake of it to come, dine, and receive Life in abundance. Is it possible that the soul can hear the Almighty whisper 'LIVE' when you come and dine?
The roasted eggplant, leaks, peppers, and mushrooms are roasted and sprinkled with balsamic vinegar. The invitation to dine has been given by my unseen but ever present Guest. An invitation to come a savour this moment of being present in my own gift of life.
Tonight I moved in my own kitchen, sipping a glass of red wine, listening to recorded male voices serenade me in various languages. I could feel the breezes of foreign places where I have sat and sipped, and savoured and watched the footsteps and gait of those passing. The scent of strong coffee in Sorrento, Napoli, or Budapest, a side street in Kerch, a cafe tucked away in Belfast, or under the bright sun of Sofia...my mind remembers and my hands move to prepare my own roast vegetable medley for dinner.
Vegetables that have so much variety in colour, in texture, in taste, and in season or out of season they will bring you the richness that came as they were firmly nestled in the fertile soul that nurtured them.
As I hold them in my hands to prepare my evening meal I wonder why so often I neglect to give myself the gift of a delightful repast when I am alone?
I am remembering a conversation earlier today where I spoke of my desire to be more intentional as I carry out my creating as a Culinary Minister. Portions of my being know that there is more, more to give, more to be intentional about. Like the cellist who embraces the instrument more tenderly and listens for notes that hover, waiting for the chance to be heard with more purity and clarity, I too know there is more. Oh yes I prepare the menu, gather the ingredients, portion them out, prepare them and present them, but there is a scent, a precious scent that longs to have a more fragrant voice. Intention is a segment of this longing, breath another, purpose, voice...hovering where I cannot yet define it lies more. Watching the Maestro prepare creations, prepare for the unveiling there is tension and expectancy that is pregnant with life giving energy. Perhaps that is it - life giving energy is part of the fragrance that I long to serve with any repast. To become so attuned to the Spirit within, the Artist and Gift giver who has taken up residence in my soul, that when a culinary dish is taken to the table, I am aware that the Divine was there in the process. In the life giving energy is also the invitation to all who partake of it to come, dine, and receive Life in abundance. Is it possible that the soul can hear the Almighty whisper 'LIVE' when you come and dine?
The roasted eggplant, leaks, peppers, and mushrooms are roasted and sprinkled with balsamic vinegar. The invitation to dine has been given by my unseen but ever present Guest. An invitation to come a savour this moment of being present in my own gift of life.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
An Echoed Question
I heard the question in an early December morning and it has continued to echo within my mind. Is it the echo of a question being reverberated around in my heart or is it the continuing whisper of the Spirit seeking my attention.
"You are blessed when...." The sentence is not completed, only the question being asked of me. "You are blessed when...".
When you whisper in the dome of St. Paul's Cathedral your words return to you each time. In this old and majestic building there is one place that will allow you to know the reality of the words you utter being returned to you.
Again the words come "you are blessed when..." - it comes again.Not just when do I "feel" blessed but rather when do I "know", as in soul knowing, I am blessed? The question penetrates through the layers within me.
Celebration is the word that comes to mind as I try to answer that question, finding the point of celebration in each day. All 365 of them.
Am I blessed when I can celebrate? If I am willing to find a celebration moment in each day I will live more deeply in gratitude. Yes, I want to live with an "attitude of gratitude" along with the attitude of celebration.
Am I blessed when I play more? Playing often is simply enjoying the moment and gift of today which not only relaxes me but it also draws me into holy space where I seem to laugh more with the Almighty, and feel incredibly alive. Yes, if I play more my sense of wonder and delight in life increases, and I want that space in my soul enlarged.
Am I blessed when I feel lost? When I feel lost my only place of safety has become solitude, which opens me up to the solace of sacred intimate space with the Almighty. When I feel lost I am again reminded that my heart is at home, and this is the place I am to be at this place in time in my life.
Am I blessed when I have questions that seem to have no answers? Questions that are unanswered - do I keep asking or do I let them go? Are they questions from my wants or from my needs? Does it make a difference which they are? Perhaps simply asking the questions reminds me that I am seeking the Almighty,seeking answers from someOne beyond my humanness, in holy presence and holy intimacy. Unanswered questions definitely are one way to keep me communicating with Abba, and yes I am blessed because I know there is nothing I cannot ask or talk to Abba about. I want to get to know Abba's heart through the asking of my questions.
Am I blessed when I weep? On my hand I wear a ring that symbolically reminds me that every tear is a diamond. Eugene Petersen translated it well: "you are blessed when the tears flow freely. Joy comes in the morning." Joy has not always arrived "in the morning", but when I let the tears fall freely and then wait in sacred silence I find Shalom surrounding me like a warm flannel blanket to stop my shivering after awaking from surgery. Perhaps tears hold a million questions that can only be translated by the Almighty, who alone reads my heart and knows the reason they fall.
Is this question an echo - uttered only once and then reverberating back, or is it being gently whispered every day, new and fresh? An echo comes when I speak in the vastness of space but this question comes in the enclosed place of being with the Almighty. My questions is answered - it isn't an echo in the vastness of the universe but rather a whispering from One who lives within me, the Spirit of God with me.
Again it prompts me: "you are blessed when...".
And I can reply "I am blessed".
"You are blessed when...." The sentence is not completed, only the question being asked of me. "You are blessed when...".
When you whisper in the dome of St. Paul's Cathedral your words return to you each time. In this old and majestic building there is one place that will allow you to know the reality of the words you utter being returned to you.
Again the words come "you are blessed when..." - it comes again.Not just when do I "feel" blessed but rather when do I "know", as in soul knowing, I am blessed? The question penetrates through the layers within me.
Celebration is the word that comes to mind as I try to answer that question, finding the point of celebration in each day. All 365 of them.
Am I blessed when I can celebrate? If I am willing to find a celebration moment in each day I will live more deeply in gratitude. Yes, I want to live with an "attitude of gratitude" along with the attitude of celebration.
Am I blessed when I play more? Playing often is simply enjoying the moment and gift of today which not only relaxes me but it also draws me into holy space where I seem to laugh more with the Almighty, and feel incredibly alive. Yes, if I play more my sense of wonder and delight in life increases, and I want that space in my soul enlarged.
Am I blessed when I feel lost? When I feel lost my only place of safety has become solitude, which opens me up to the solace of sacred intimate space with the Almighty. When I feel lost I am again reminded that my heart is at home, and this is the place I am to be at this place in time in my life.
Am I blessed when I have questions that seem to have no answers? Questions that are unanswered - do I keep asking or do I let them go? Are they questions from my wants or from my needs? Does it make a difference which they are? Perhaps simply asking the questions reminds me that I am seeking the Almighty,seeking answers from someOne beyond my humanness, in holy presence and holy intimacy. Unanswered questions definitely are one way to keep me communicating with Abba, and yes I am blessed because I know there is nothing I cannot ask or talk to Abba about. I want to get to know Abba's heart through the asking of my questions.
Am I blessed when I weep? On my hand I wear a ring that symbolically reminds me that every tear is a diamond. Eugene Petersen translated it well: "you are blessed when the tears flow freely. Joy comes in the morning." Joy has not always arrived "in the morning", but when I let the tears fall freely and then wait in sacred silence I find Shalom surrounding me like a warm flannel blanket to stop my shivering after awaking from surgery. Perhaps tears hold a million questions that can only be translated by the Almighty, who alone reads my heart and knows the reason they fall.
Is this question an echo - uttered only once and then reverberating back, or is it being gently whispered every day, new and fresh? An echo comes when I speak in the vastness of space but this question comes in the enclosed place of being with the Almighty. My questions is answered - it isn't an echo in the vastness of the universe but rather a whispering from One who lives within me, the Spirit of God with me.
Again it prompts me: "you are blessed when...".
And I can reply "I am blessed".
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