This last week my tears have been falling, inside, in the bath, in moments that seem to not make sense. But within my soul also is being held those in suffering and pain and I cannot make sense of it. Reading here of "Senseless Violence", it is one more shard of pain to my heart. Why must I hold this? Why would I not hold it and weep with those whose tears flow, or for those who cannot let the tears fall?
Yesterday I heard a song as I went to take Communion, and as my beloved (he was assisting with giving out Communion) came to me with the Cup, he looked into my eyes and reminded me that I am in Christ and Christ is in me ALWAYS. My tears hovered at the edge of my eyes yet didn't fall as I struggled for control. As I walked to and from Communion the song being sung was this:
1. Christ's is the world in which we move,
Christ's are the folk we're summoned to love,
Christ's is the voice which calls us to care,
and Christ is the one who meets us here.
TO THE LOST CHRIST SHOWS HIS FACE;
TO THE UNLOVED HE GIVES HIS EMBRACE;
TO THOSE WHO CRY IN PAIN OR DISGRACE,
CHRIST MAKES, WITH HIS FRIENDS, A TOUCHING PLACE.
2. Feel for the people we most avoid,
strange or bereaved or never employed;
feel for the women, and feel for the men
who fear that their living is all in vain.
3. Feel for the parents who've lost their child,
feel for the women who men have defiled,
feel for the baby for whom there's no breast,
and feel for the weary who find no rest.
4. Feel for the lives by life confused,
riddled with doubt, in loving abused;
feel for the lonely heart, conscious of sin,
which longs to be pure but fears to begin.
written by John Bell
I want my tears to have Christ in them, to have love in them, and yet I cannot understand how to fit it all together. I believe Christ is here, there, in these places and I must trust this to not let love be crowded out by anger at injustice. I must trust that justice does lie with Christ and in that justice is also a love beyond what my heart now knows. I will be willing to feel the pain, to let the tears come, and know Christ has a purpose that is also to change my heart and soul to know justice and Divine love.