“There are no words” was written on the thank you note. Plenty of good deep authentic dialogue had happened over the weeks she was here, thoughts and ideas were exchanged and threads in the weaving of our work together were placed into the pattern. Yet in the end the card said it all…words could not say how beautifully God had done much work in the time together.
In another scene during that week, Abby (not her real name) lay in the emergency room bed, her limbs in constant motion, her blood pressure and heart rate way above normal as the 2 day binge of crack/cocaine showed its effects on her body, mind and soul. She was so sorry, she wanted to start over, wanted to rewind to the 3 days before when she had been clean for 3 years. Yet at the same time she wanted to go back to those who would sit and use with her. “I just want to be happy” she spoke over and over. What would happy look like? Would it simply be that the voices in her head, the years of abuse, the addiction that began at age 8, be silenced and all would be still and clear? Yes, she replied – that was what happiness would look like. I asked her what made her stay alive all the other times she came to after these binges, looking for clues as to what hope would look like for her. The truth she explained is that she really does want to die; she hates life and doesn’t want to keep living with the pain that will not die.
I had no words. What can I say to that when I know the feeling? I know what brought me back to life but that was my whisper from God, and I had no words for what God alone could whisper to her. I could only stand silent, be present, hold her hand and trust that the Spirit could speak in that silence. Presence was all one could offer in the place where “there are no words.”
Being present is the greatest gift I have known in experiencing Holy Presence. The tangible sense that the Spirit is present within me, Jesus is present in the room and Abba is there as well, and They do not use words. But They are the Word – the Word that became flesh, the Word of true vibrant passionate LIFE.
In sharing this experience with a good friend, she said that when there are no words it is because only The Word, will do: that tangible presence of the Almighty who gives Light, the breath and the bread of life!
In sitting with this experience it is hard to write of it simply because words do not begin to reveal the depth, the height, the breadth and length of Their Presence.
…words are not enough.