Last fall this piece What Can I Prepare for You brought out pieces of story and created good discussion which moved us into sacred space as we looked at it. At least I felt the sacredness of the responses to the question.
Some time ago I began working on a cookbook, compiling a few recipes, outlining ideas for the theme of it and then the project became too tedious and I set it aside. There was disappointment for me because somehow by doing nothing I felt guilt and loss.
Earlier this year I slipped into a depression and felt overwhelmed and totally drained of energy for life and for the first time in my life actually admitted that was where I was and asked for medical help. Yet at no time have I felt God being absent – in fact I often hear the Spirit remind me that this is a place to embrace, to face, not to walk around or away from, but look it in the face and embrace it. That takes energy, which is not in abundant supply for me at present. So I began asking myself the question “what food could be prepared and served to you that would reflect how you feel?” The answer is unquestionably slow cooked food and dishes that require using my hands to eat. Why? What does that satisfy, or pacify inside of me?
Fast food is often eaten with our hands yet it lacks nutrition and doesn’t beckon us to the sacred place of lingering at table. In fact the only sense really involved in fast food is touch – what is that about? We just eat and run. Like a peck on the cheek from someone who is pretending to love you!
Slowly cooked food demands preparation and time in order to give you the most savoury gifts it holds. In my two summers lingering on the Amalfi Coast, my friend Anna-Maria would get squid at 8AM when the fisherman pulled his boat ashore, clean it, cut it and along with garlic and lemon, simmer it all morning in tomato sauce. Under the shade of the bougainvilleas, with the serenading of the cicadas, we feasted on spaghetti with this exquisite sauce, mopping up the leftover liquid with freshly purchased baguette.
Last weekend I was preparing dinner for 26 people who had arrived for weekend of art, music, sculpting and writing. They were exploring creative gifts so I decided to create something new and unusual for dinner. Pork shoulder was on sale at the market for an excellent price: cheaper meat that I believed could have a most delicious taste if basted and cooked slowly so flavours mingled, tenderized and tantalized us as it cooked. The meat was brushed with Dijon mustard, honey and garlic, sprinkled with salt and white pepper and placed in the roaster. Fresh thyme and rosemary from the garden was liberally placed on top of the meat. A small amount of chicken broth and sherry were added before it was covered and placed in the oven at 175 degrees. After cooking for 24 hours, and sending the most tantalizing aroma through the house, it was sliced and served with blackberry sauce. The sauce was a combination of berries in a syrup, sherry, and cinnamon, cardamom, nutmeg and lemon juice. Slowly, very slowly cooked meat that became succulent and tender, and a berry sauce that held spices with a suggestion of wild, exotic mystery.
This meal has brought several metaphorical pictures to where I am, how it must be embraced and given me some new thoughts on the “cookbook”. A wise woman said that when we are in a place of needing to store energy we often crave food cooked slowly. I cannot rush this part of my life – it deserves to be honored by embracing it. Moments of sweetness, like this exotic sauce, invite me to continue exploring the mystery while giving myself permission to enjoy their surprising presence.
I have not yet defined why food that I can eat with my hands is important. Although often in places of depression our senses will shut down. We withdraw and shut ourselves/our heart off from touch and in some way this reminds me to be intentional in my awareness of how every sense is responding in this particular place.
The cookbook piece of this particular journey clearly shows that in order to combine others stories with recipes, it must begin with my own story. I am working at the connection of what foods I am asking for, what the ingredients of sacred and how I can step more deeply into culinary ministry. Maybe, as my friend Angie said, it is time to embrace the marinating process! I would really like to ask the Maestro what is cooking though!!