The candles were lit, my heart was ready for the sacred time of centering and being silent, hands, and heart, were open ready to receive whenever the Spirit moved.
Gently a picture was etched, in black and white, of a little girl about 9 years old, playing in the snow with an Abba figure. His eyes sparkled behind his glasses as he tossed snow into the air for it to mingle with the continuously falling flakes. She danced about, laughing, flinging her arms wide to receive all she could. Her lashes were covered in white surrounding her eyes that sparkled with life. She stuck out her tongue to catch more of these fluffy white flakes and let them melt and disappear. Abba continued to tease her gently, coaxing uninhibited laughter from her, laughter that came from the centre of her being without any fear or self-consciousness.
Laughter is said to be a wonderful medicine. Laughter can heal or it can mock. But in recent weeks the Spirit has been speaking to me of laughter. It began with this etching that came out of silence at the beginning of a time with my Spiritual Director. As I child I was serious and intense and afraid to speak, let alone laugh out loud. Life was serious and purposeful and frivolity was thought to be “worldly” so I withdrew to watching the fun, yearning for it, but rarely reach out to join it. Today one of the last rooms that will become vulnerable is the room of my heart and soul that is filled with fun, with humour and playfulness. Yet on the phone, where you cannot see me nor can I see you, it is safe to allow humour to come into play. It is a place where I cannot see you withdraw from me and therefore can feel safe. (that is a whole other subject of why we choose false intimacy).
The Spirit seems to be on a quest to open these rooms of laughter and delight in my soul and I am helpless to stop this wind of nudging.
Sitting in the sun a sparrow sat on the window ledge looking in and I laughed. Abba knows sparrows sang me back to life when I wanted to die. This little fellow invited me to remember the songs of life.
The long beach stretched out before me in the early morning last week, as I walked in the surf and waited for the day to be born. Slowly it arrived – the sunrise on my right in the east and a rainbow over the rolling Pacific Ocean on my right. I laughed in delight at Abba’s invitation to let this day be playful.
Like the little girl whose arms were stretched wide to receive and to give into the wonder of laughter and living, Abba has been inviting the child within to come and laugh with wonder that is not the least bit self-conscious. When I seek Yeshua, with the passionate heart of a woman, the response is laughter of delight, and the presence that seems to speak the words “I believe in you”.
Words that Brennan Manning wrote speak to me of a bold statement made with laughter from the one who asks, and laughter of delight from the One who loves to give this gift of sacred laughter that heals, that releases and invites one into deeper intimacy where it is safe to reveal my own humour and playfulness.
“Define yourself radically as one beloved by God.”
Pg 51 Abba’s Child, Brennan Manning
The Divine seems intent on inviting me into laughter as part of the way to live more passionately. An invitation that wraps grace, love, beauty, wisdom and passion together so I can see Them more clearly.