What makes the Kingdom come is heartfelt compassion: a way of tenderness that knows no frontiers, no labels, no compartmentalizing, and no sectarian divisions. Jesus, the human Face of God, invites us to deep reflection on the nature of true discipleship and the radical lifestyle of Abba's child."
Pg 76 Abba's Child by Brennan Manning
This word RADICAL keeps coming up for me and I want to embrace it in how I live, how I walk through darkness, and in Light, how I love, how I live out my apprentiship with Jesus, and just how I am willing to accept that I am loved at the beloved.
Etchings - tentative outlines from which to move as one learns to be more contemplative, to move into this pilgrimage of life and embrace the Mystery that asks us to live with unknowns and surprises.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Friday, February 24, 2006
Bringing Our Secrets Into the Light
We all have our secrets: thoughts, memories, feelings that we keep to ourselves. Often we think, "If people knew what I feel or think, they would not love me." These carefully kept secrets can do us much harm. They can make us feel guilty or ashamed and may lead us to self-rejection, depression, and even suicidal thoughts and actions.
One of the most important things we can do with our secrets is to share them in a safe place, with people we trust. When we have a good way to bring our secrets into the light and can look at them with others, we will quickly discover that we are not alone with our secrets and that our trusting friends will love us more deeply and more intimately than before. Bringing our secrets into the light creates community and inner healing. As a result of sharing secrets, not only will others love us better but we will love ourselves more fully.
Henri Nouwen, Daily Meditation
One of the most important things we can do with our secrets is to share them in a safe place, with people we trust. When we have a good way to bring our secrets into the light and can look at them with others, we will quickly discover that we are not alone with our secrets and that our trusting friends will love us more deeply and more intimately than before. Bringing our secrets into the light creates community and inner healing. As a result of sharing secrets, not only will others love us better but we will love ourselves more fully.
Henri Nouwen, Daily Meditation
Monday, February 20, 2006
The Fire Within
"The Fire Within", or passion as I have named it, can so easily be smothered or discounted. Often it is my own lack of gentleness and compassion for myself that pours water on that fire. Perhaps it is when we have spoken and then felt betrayed when the passion is shunned.
Nouwen writes: "Often we come home from a sharing session with a feeling that something precious has been taken away from us, or that holy ground has been trodden upon.
What needs to be guarded is the life of the Spirit within us."
Pg 46/47
Vincent van Gogh wrote: There may be a great fire in our soul, yet no one ever comes to warm himself at it, and the passerby only see a wisp of smoke coming through the chimney, and go along their way. Look here, now what must be done? Must one tend the inner fire, have salt in oneself, wait patiently yet with how much impatience for the hour when somebody will come and sit down - maybe to stay? Let him who believes in God wait for the hour that will come sooner or later.
(all quotations from Way of the Heart - Henri Nouwen)
Hence silence becomes the place to sit and wait, to guard the inner fire/passion.
Nouwen writes: "Often we come home from a sharing session with a feeling that something precious has been taken away from us, or that holy ground has been trodden upon.
What needs to be guarded is the life of the Spirit within us."
Pg 46/47
Vincent van Gogh wrote: There may be a great fire in our soul, yet no one ever comes to warm himself at it, and the passerby only see a wisp of smoke coming through the chimney, and go along their way. Look here, now what must be done? Must one tend the inner fire, have salt in oneself, wait patiently yet with how much impatience for the hour when somebody will come and sit down - maybe to stay? Let him who believes in God wait for the hour that will come sooner or later.
(all quotations from Way of the Heart - Henri Nouwen)
Hence silence becomes the place to sit and wait, to guard the inner fire/passion.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
At The Table
The Barometer of Our Lives
Although the table is a place for intimacy, we all know how easily it can become a place of distance, hostility, and even hatred. Precisely because the table is meant to be an intimate place, it easily becomes the place we experience the absence of intimacy. The table reveals the tensions among us. When husband and wife don't talk to each other, when a child refuses to eat, when brothers and sisters bicker, when there are tense silences, then the table becomes hell, the place we least want to be.
The table is the barometer of family and community life. Let's do everything possible to make the table the place to celebrate intimacy.
Daily Meditation
Henri Nouwen
Although the table is a place for intimacy, we all know how easily it can become a place of distance, hostility, and even hatred. Precisely because the table is meant to be an intimate place, it easily becomes the place we experience the absence of intimacy. The table reveals the tensions among us. When husband and wife don't talk to each other, when a child refuses to eat, when brothers and sisters bicker, when there are tense silences, then the table becomes hell, the place we least want to be.
The table is the barometer of family and community life. Let's do everything possible to make the table the place to celebrate intimacy.
Daily Meditation
Henri Nouwen
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Fingerprinting over Brokenness
Did you ever play with play-doh and watch it mold and shape to your hand movement, see it squish through your fingers and find your prints all over it when you were done? Have you ever worked with clay and as you mold and shape the piece your finger prints are all over it? They are soft malleable substances that move as you will them to; becoming what only you wish them to be.
Using your hands in cooking allows the warmth of your hands to soften the ingredients you work with. This then makes the blending much smoother and the blend of flavours bring out a wonderful scent, and more delicious taste.
As I come back up into the sunshine after being in some dark days recently, the whispering of the Almighty has been about gentleness, compassion, tenderness, brokenness and fragile humanity. I feel like a piece of clay that has been held, pushed and prodded and left with fingerprints all over my heart and soul. I also feel as if the Spirit is holding me, warming up the coldness I have felt, softening the heart and soul to blend in these ingredients. I really do long to be an image bearer but I wrestle so much with my own brokenness and inadequacy. I become overwhelmed by where I fall back into believing my “less than” worth as opposed to believing I can define myself “radically as one beloved by God.” (pg 51) Manning also says that “inner healing of the heart is seldom a sudden catharsis or an instant liberation ….More often it is a gentle growing into oneness with the Crucified.”
“If I am not in touch with my own belovedness, then I cannot touch the sacredness of others.” (pg 58)
“Live in the wisdom of accepted tenderness.” (pg 64)
“Tenderness awakens within the security of knowing we are thoroughly and sincerely like by someone. The mere presence of that special someone in a crowded room brings an inward sigh of relief and a strong sense of feeling safe. The experience of a warm, caring, affective presence banishes our fears. The defense mechanisms of the impostor – sarcasm, name-dropping, self-righteousness, the need to impress others – fall away. We become more open, real, vulnerable, and affectionate. We grow tender.” (pg 64)
(All quotes are from Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning)
Watching a child finger painting is delightful – they are lost in the wonder of colour, exploration and delight. They are in unaware of what brokenness is all about. As I sit in writing with sunshine streaming in the window, I am aware that the Almighty is fingerprinting me more specifically in this journey of brokenness and healing, but is also finger painting the colours of his passionate heart into my being, with artistic creativeness and with Divine wisdom. I can’t say it feels as delightful as my image is of the little child at work/play but then this is an adult heart being tenderized!
Using your hands in cooking allows the warmth of your hands to soften the ingredients you work with. This then makes the blending much smoother and the blend of flavours bring out a wonderful scent, and more delicious taste.
As I come back up into the sunshine after being in some dark days recently, the whispering of the Almighty has been about gentleness, compassion, tenderness, brokenness and fragile humanity. I feel like a piece of clay that has been held, pushed and prodded and left with fingerprints all over my heart and soul. I also feel as if the Spirit is holding me, warming up the coldness I have felt, softening the heart and soul to blend in these ingredients. I really do long to be an image bearer but I wrestle so much with my own brokenness and inadequacy. I become overwhelmed by where I fall back into believing my “less than” worth as opposed to believing I can define myself “radically as one beloved by God.” (pg 51) Manning also says that “inner healing of the heart is seldom a sudden catharsis or an instant liberation ….More often it is a gentle growing into oneness with the Crucified.”
“If I am not in touch with my own belovedness, then I cannot touch the sacredness of others.” (pg 58)
“Live in the wisdom of accepted tenderness.” (pg 64)
“Tenderness awakens within the security of knowing we are thoroughly and sincerely like by someone. The mere presence of that special someone in a crowded room brings an inward sigh of relief and a strong sense of feeling safe. The experience of a warm, caring, affective presence banishes our fears. The defense mechanisms of the impostor – sarcasm, name-dropping, self-righteousness, the need to impress others – fall away. We become more open, real, vulnerable, and affectionate. We grow tender.” (pg 64)
(All quotes are from Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning)
Watching a child finger painting is delightful – they are lost in the wonder of colour, exploration and delight. They are in unaware of what brokenness is all about. As I sit in writing with sunshine streaming in the window, I am aware that the Almighty is fingerprinting me more specifically in this journey of brokenness and healing, but is also finger painting the colours of his passionate heart into my being, with artistic creativeness and with Divine wisdom. I can’t say it feels as delightful as my image is of the little child at work/play but then this is an adult heart being tenderized!
People Who Take Care
Yesterday there was a memorial in the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver for over 50 women who have disappeared and been murdered from this community. There was a 60 second "blip" on the evening news about this tragedy. Two friends of mine have been giving their time, energy, and heart, to walking beside women from this community, becoming friends with them, and encouraging them to see that they have choices. They love them unconditionally as they carry the pain of watching the tragedy that at times overwhelms the victory.
Peregrinato has posted a powerful piece of writing about people who care. As I read it I thought of my two friends whose call to care is not an easy road - but it is the road of obedience for them. S and J - this is for you:
People Who Take Care by Nancy Henry
People who take care of people
get paid less than anybody
people who take care of people
are not worth much
except to people who are
sick, old, helpless, and poor
people who take care of people
are not important to most other people
are not respected by many other people
come and go without much fuss
unless they don’t show up
when needed
people who make more money
tell them what to do
never get shit on their hands
never mop vomit or wipe tears
don’t stand in danger
of having plates thrown at them
sharing every cold
observing agonies
they cannot tell at home
people who take care of people
have a secret
that sees them through the double shift
that moves with them from room to room
that keeps them on the floor
sometimes they fill a hollow
no one else can fill
sometimes through the shit
and blood and tears
they go to a beautiful place, somewhere
those clean important people
have never been.
Peregrinato has posted a powerful piece of writing about people who care. As I read it I thought of my two friends whose call to care is not an easy road - but it is the road of obedience for them. S and J - this is for you:
People Who Take Care by Nancy Henry
People who take care of people
get paid less than anybody
people who take care of people
are not worth much
except to people who are
sick, old, helpless, and poor
people who take care of people
are not important to most other people
are not respected by many other people
come and go without much fuss
unless they don’t show up
when needed
people who make more money
tell them what to do
never get shit on their hands
never mop vomit or wipe tears
don’t stand in danger
of having plates thrown at them
sharing every cold
observing agonies
they cannot tell at home
people who take care of people
have a secret
that sees them through the double shift
that moves with them from room to room
that keeps them on the floor
sometimes they fill a hollow
no one else can fill
sometimes through the shit
and blood and tears
they go to a beautiful place, somewhere
those clean important people
have never been.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
The Sacred Invitation to Laughter
The candles were lit, my heart was ready for the sacred time of centering and being silent, hands, and heart, were open ready to receive whenever the Spirit moved.
Gently a picture was etched, in black and white, of a little girl about 9 years old, playing in the snow with an Abba figure. His eyes sparkled behind his glasses as he tossed snow into the air for it to mingle with the continuously falling flakes. She danced about, laughing, flinging her arms wide to receive all she could. Her lashes were covered in white surrounding her eyes that sparkled with life. She stuck out her tongue to catch more of these fluffy white flakes and let them melt and disappear. Abba continued to tease her gently, coaxing uninhibited laughter from her, laughter that came from the centre of her being without any fear or self-consciousness.
Laughter is said to be a wonderful medicine. Laughter can heal or it can mock. But in recent weeks the Spirit has been speaking to me of laughter. It began with this etching that came out of silence at the beginning of a time with my Spiritual Director. As I child I was serious and intense and afraid to speak, let alone laugh out loud. Life was serious and purposeful and frivolity was thought to be “worldly” so I withdrew to watching the fun, yearning for it, but rarely reach out to join it. Today one of the last rooms that will become vulnerable is the room of my heart and soul that is filled with fun, with humour and playfulness. Yet on the phone, where you cannot see me nor can I see you, it is safe to allow humour to come into play. It is a place where I cannot see you withdraw from me and therefore can feel safe. (that is a whole other subject of why we choose false intimacy).
The Spirit seems to be on a quest to open these rooms of laughter and delight in my soul and I am helpless to stop this wind of nudging.
Sitting in the sun a sparrow sat on the window ledge looking in and I laughed. Abba knows sparrows sang me back to life when I wanted to die. This little fellow invited me to remember the songs of life.
The long beach stretched out before me in the early morning last week, as I walked in the surf and waited for the day to be born. Slowly it arrived – the sunrise on my right in the east and a rainbow over the rolling Pacific Ocean on my right. I laughed in delight at Abba’s invitation to let this day be playful.
Like the little girl whose arms were stretched wide to receive and to give into the wonder of laughter and living, Abba has been inviting the child within to come and laugh with wonder that is not the least bit self-conscious. When I seek Yeshua, with the passionate heart of a woman, the response is laughter of delight, and the presence that seems to speak the words “I believe in you”.
Words that Brennan Manning wrote speak to me of a bold statement made with laughter from the one who asks, and laughter of delight from the One who loves to give this gift of sacred laughter that heals, that releases and invites one into deeper intimacy where it is safe to reveal my own humour and playfulness.
“Define yourself radically as one beloved by God.”
Pg 51 Abba’s Child, Brennan Manning
The Divine seems intent on inviting me into laughter as part of the way to live more passionately. An invitation that wraps grace, love, beauty, wisdom and passion together so I can see Them more clearly.
Gently a picture was etched, in black and white, of a little girl about 9 years old, playing in the snow with an Abba figure. His eyes sparkled behind his glasses as he tossed snow into the air for it to mingle with the continuously falling flakes. She danced about, laughing, flinging her arms wide to receive all she could. Her lashes were covered in white surrounding her eyes that sparkled with life. She stuck out her tongue to catch more of these fluffy white flakes and let them melt and disappear. Abba continued to tease her gently, coaxing uninhibited laughter from her, laughter that came from the centre of her being without any fear or self-consciousness.
Laughter is said to be a wonderful medicine. Laughter can heal or it can mock. But in recent weeks the Spirit has been speaking to me of laughter. It began with this etching that came out of silence at the beginning of a time with my Spiritual Director. As I child I was serious and intense and afraid to speak, let alone laugh out loud. Life was serious and purposeful and frivolity was thought to be “worldly” so I withdrew to watching the fun, yearning for it, but rarely reach out to join it. Today one of the last rooms that will become vulnerable is the room of my heart and soul that is filled with fun, with humour and playfulness. Yet on the phone, where you cannot see me nor can I see you, it is safe to allow humour to come into play. It is a place where I cannot see you withdraw from me and therefore can feel safe. (that is a whole other subject of why we choose false intimacy).
The Spirit seems to be on a quest to open these rooms of laughter and delight in my soul and I am helpless to stop this wind of nudging.
Sitting in the sun a sparrow sat on the window ledge looking in and I laughed. Abba knows sparrows sang me back to life when I wanted to die. This little fellow invited me to remember the songs of life.
The long beach stretched out before me in the early morning last week, as I walked in the surf and waited for the day to be born. Slowly it arrived – the sunrise on my right in the east and a rainbow over the rolling Pacific Ocean on my right. I laughed in delight at Abba’s invitation to let this day be playful.
Like the little girl whose arms were stretched wide to receive and to give into the wonder of laughter and living, Abba has been inviting the child within to come and laugh with wonder that is not the least bit self-conscious. When I seek Yeshua, with the passionate heart of a woman, the response is laughter of delight, and the presence that seems to speak the words “I believe in you”.
Words that Brennan Manning wrote speak to me of a bold statement made with laughter from the one who asks, and laughter of delight from the One who loves to give this gift of sacred laughter that heals, that releases and invites one into deeper intimacy where it is safe to reveal my own humour and playfulness.
“Define yourself radically as one beloved by God.”
Pg 51 Abba’s Child, Brennan Manning
The Divine seems intent on inviting me into laughter as part of the way to live more passionately. An invitation that wraps grace, love, beauty, wisdom and passion together so I can see Them more clearly.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Camping Out in Brokeness
This past weekend some friends and I went to see Memoirs of a Geisha. The most disturbing message out of the movie is “a Geisha has no right to desire”. Being bought as a child and sold into a life you did not choose also came with the instruction to shut down your heart. Nitta Sayuri, along with her sister, is sold by her father because of their poverty – sold into a life none of them knew anything about.
Dangerous Beauty also a powerful movie that speaks of a woman whose only choice, in order to find life, is to be a courtesan. She embraces beauty in a place which should shut down her heart but instead she refuses to do so. Veronica cannot let her heart be shut down, even if she must stand alone, she will fight to let her heart live magnificently.
Nitta Sayuri, through abuse and training, learns that she must never dream or hope. Slavery to the prison that is her life is all she can exist in.
Perhaps the reason this message from Memoirs of a Geisha hit me so powerfully is because in the last number of weeks I have been camping out in the place of lost hope, lost dreams, disappointment. It is the campsite where the unfulfilled pieces of the heart and soul are scattered about in places that are meant for LIFE, for hope, for living with passion. This campsite holds little to no light, there is little wind of the Spirit – a least that my heart can feel. Camping out in this place of darkness, closed heart, and despair, is so contrary to where my passion for life lives – yet somehow it becomes my squatter’s camp when my heart seems unable to find the Light. Why do I let old voices have such power over the truth?
Hearing the words “I believe in you” brought my heart back out into the Light again, like coming out of the woods onto white sand of a gloriously sunny beach. The death or attempted death of desire is often self inflicted, triggered by words that echo the past.
My heart is set on pilgrimage – set to choose healing and wholeness and I believe in the truth that my heart is set on pilgrimage, that the Almighty will walk this journey with me. Could it be They were camping out with me holding those words “I believe in you”? Could it be They were waiting until my soul was willing to once again embrace the truth of “my heart is set on pilgrimage” and seek the Light?
I want the courage of Veronica who refused to let her heart and soul die to desire, to living passionately. The tears hiding behind my eyes are like the grains of sand on the seashore – too many to be counted. They will fall when they can but I realize today that I no longer want to stay in this place of shutting down my heart – I want the freedom of the open sky and endless horizon where the Spirit whispers that to desire in the place that also holds disappointment is to live in the sacred space that holds my brokenness and my healing.
Dangerous Beauty also a powerful movie that speaks of a woman whose only choice, in order to find life, is to be a courtesan. She embraces beauty in a place which should shut down her heart but instead she refuses to do so. Veronica cannot let her heart be shut down, even if she must stand alone, she will fight to let her heart live magnificently.
Nitta Sayuri, through abuse and training, learns that she must never dream or hope. Slavery to the prison that is her life is all she can exist in.
Perhaps the reason this message from Memoirs of a Geisha hit me so powerfully is because in the last number of weeks I have been camping out in the place of lost hope, lost dreams, disappointment. It is the campsite where the unfulfilled pieces of the heart and soul are scattered about in places that are meant for LIFE, for hope, for living with passion. This campsite holds little to no light, there is little wind of the Spirit – a least that my heart can feel. Camping out in this place of darkness, closed heart, and despair, is so contrary to where my passion for life lives – yet somehow it becomes my squatter’s camp when my heart seems unable to find the Light. Why do I let old voices have such power over the truth?
Hearing the words “I believe in you” brought my heart back out into the Light again, like coming out of the woods onto white sand of a gloriously sunny beach. The death or attempted death of desire is often self inflicted, triggered by words that echo the past.
My heart is set on pilgrimage – set to choose healing and wholeness and I believe in the truth that my heart is set on pilgrimage, that the Almighty will walk this journey with me. Could it be They were camping out with me holding those words “I believe in you”? Could it be They were waiting until my soul was willing to once again embrace the truth of “my heart is set on pilgrimage” and seek the Light?
I want the courage of Veronica who refused to let her heart and soul die to desire, to living passionately. The tears hiding behind my eyes are like the grains of sand on the seashore – too many to be counted. They will fall when they can but I realize today that I no longer want to stay in this place of shutting down my heart – I want the freedom of the open sky and endless horizon where the Spirit whispers that to desire in the place that also holds disappointment is to live in the sacred space that holds my brokenness and my healing.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Thoughts on Gentleness
These words from Henri Nouwen were sweet to read this morning:
Once in a while we meet a gentle person. Gentleness is a virtue hard to find in a society that admires toughness and roughness. We are encouraged to get things done and to get them done fast, even when people get hurt in the process. Success, accomplishment, and productivity count. But the cost is high. There is no place for gentleness in such a milieu.
Gentle is the one who does "not break the crushed reed, or snuff the faltering wick" (Matthew 12:20). Gentle is the one who is attentive to the strengths and weaknesses of the other and enjoys being together more than accomplishing something. A gentle person treads lightly, listens carefully, looks tenderly, and touches with reverence. A gentle person knows that true growth requires nurture, not force. Let's dress ourselves with gentleness. In our tough and often unbending world our gentleness can be a vivid reminder of the presence of God among us.
Henri Nouwen Society, Daily Meditation
Once in a while we meet a gentle person. Gentleness is a virtue hard to find in a society that admires toughness and roughness. We are encouraged to get things done and to get them done fast, even when people get hurt in the process. Success, accomplishment, and productivity count. But the cost is high. There is no place for gentleness in such a milieu.
Gentle is the one who does "not break the crushed reed, or snuff the faltering wick" (Matthew 12:20). Gentle is the one who is attentive to the strengths and weaknesses of the other and enjoys being together more than accomplishing something. A gentle person treads lightly, listens carefully, looks tenderly, and touches with reverence. A gentle person knows that true growth requires nurture, not force. Let's dress ourselves with gentleness. In our tough and often unbending world our gentleness can be a vivid reminder of the presence of God among us.
Henri Nouwen Society, Daily Meditation
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