Current Address - Desert of Detachment

Gary Thomas in Authentic Faith speaks about the desert of detachment. In those three words I have been able to identify the address where my soul is living.

The desert of detachment is where we will learn this ancient virtue that allows us to see, name and let go of the idols that hold our hearts hostage and keep us from letting God fill every place. These idols keep the blinds shut preventing the Light from the dark places that need healing, and keeping the doors of the soul closed to the gentle wind of the Spirit, Ruach.

Thomas says If I refuse to suffer and refuse to face the discomfort of change, I will experience ever more sever consequences as the idol increases its hold on my heart. I will be forever a stranger to experiential holiness. If I don’t practice the virtue the ancients called detachment, I will not live as a man (woman) in the grace of Jesus Christ.

The prefix “DE” means to remove
The prefix “RE” means again – to again put together.

The Desert of Detachment:
- becomes a place of re-attaching to be made whole
- becomes a place of re-deeming to be made new
- becomes a place of re-claiming by the One to whom I really belong
- becomes a place of re-viving to life, passionate glorious living.

My current soul address is the destination of facing my greatest fears. Looking them in the eye means taking the journey to Moriah where each dream and fear is placed, willingly; upon an altar and watching the flames consume them. This journey is so deep and at this point is not one I can share here on this space. My divided heart must be embroidered together again while I live in the desert. My fear of being alone, emptied of my dreams, is being replaced with solace in this raw arid desert of detachment.

Detachment must, in Yahweh’s desert, also have re-attachment. Here is a place of learning so rich, so earthy and so full of the rawness while at the same time so solitarian and isolated. They say once you experience life in the desert, you will see life with new eyes. Is that why Yeshua has brought me to the desert? Out here at this address illusions are broken, torn away with the power of the wind (Ruach). Everything but the basics is stripped away and change is constant. Nights in the desert can be cold and wild, carrying away anything not firmly secured down; blowing away the illusion my idols have held, removing what is not essential.

Chopin’s Raindrop Prelude – one instrument, one long flowing melody that speaks of the rain, wind, fire, sun and light. Out here where I am living the music seems to be like the Raindrop Prelude. One instrument, one flowing melody, and one Voice. There is only one kind of music out here in the desert – the haunting relentless call of Yeshua. Haunting because this Voice calls to the deepest places and refuses to turn away even though I wrestle with letting my Desert Lover in. I come close, then back away, turn away, and then turn to look again. My heart has been so afraid to let Yeshua love me completely. He is so determined to be my Lover that Abba has moved my soul to this address – the desert of detachment. I read Hosea 2 over and over, yearning for this Lover, yet wrestling with love that in his name has wounded over and over. The dance of love here in the desert of detachment is the place of reattachment of the heart and soul, undivided and fully alive, basking in the gaze of the Lover. A dance I long for, want to flirt with and invite in. Firstly I must allow this Lover to embroider my heart together again.

Thomas says God will often walk us through paths that deliberately confront our attachments…standing like road blocks in our relationship with him.
At that point we are vulnerable to the worships of idols (my own dreams). This is why God seems relentlessly bent on walking us through our worst fears.

The desert of detachment. The empty place of removing – removing what? Fear, despair, illusion, defenses against pain, abundance, excess, idols. The desert of re-attachment opens the heart to simplicity. The soul is not distracted by all kinds of beauty but it finds the beauty of one thing, one delicate flower. The heart keeps seeking and searching until it finds. Yeshua whispers until the heart will listen to this simple melody. Out here the orchestra has been removed and a single instrument plays – the heart.

And now, here’s what I’m going to do; I’m going to start all over again. I’m taking her back out into the wilderness where we had our first date, and I’ll court her. I’ll give her bouquets of roses. I’ll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope. She’ll respond like she did as a young girl, those days when she was fresh out of Egypt.
Hosea 2:14,15

Conversation on Sexuality

Living in a world where sexuality seems to have become incredibly confusing, and where the church has done a horrendous job of trying to define and yet at the same time trying to deny our sexuality, male and female alike, I found this article at Hopeful Amphibian very interesting. There's No Such Thing as a Straight Bishop is an excellent article. Take a few minutes to read it.

The subject of "Labels" comes up here again.

Be Salt

Today's Daily Dig from Bruderhof

By Eberhard Arnold

Whoever receives God’s life and grasps the nature of God's future has taken on the character of salt. What is important to God is genuineness. He does not expect a person to adopt an attitude that is not in accord with his inner self and feelings. Christ sees as his friends all those who have his spirit, who breathe his life. The powers of the future world are at work in them, revealing unconditional love, righteousness, and purity. The coming kingdom, which will encompass the whole earth, belongs to God. It opposes all decay; all that is insipid, flabby, and weak. It resists death.

The Toughest Mountain Climb

Mountain top experiences are life changing.

The excitement of the climb is exhilarating.

There is wonder in the upward, tough climb that demands much from the body.

Coming down isn’t always easy – you want to linger.

The downward walk may be just as or more demanding than the upward climb

Detachment from all but the present experience causes an intense focus

Moriah.

The mountain climb that has the soul in agony because of Who calls.

And why Yahweh calls

At this mountain top dreams and hopes, soul treasures must be left

Nothing can be kept back – all of the best must be on the altar

Consumed, there is no taking them back

Only ashes remain, and exhaustion from the tears.

Abraham’s exchange at Moriah - Isaac lived

Moriah; Yahweh always has an exchange for the ashes

Holy Spirit blow on the ashes of our Moriah

Breath life into the exchange, give us new life.

Fill the empty spaces with the most glorious of exchanges.

What Kind of Voice Are We Using?

I have told all your people about your justice.
I have not been afraid to speak out …
I have not kept the good news of your justice hidden in my heart
I have talked about your faithfulness…
I have told everyone …of your unfailing love and faithfulness.
Psalm 40: 9,10

The tears ran down my face as I read this in the early morning. What kind of a voice is used to tell this truth? From a higher place with words that further wound? Or from a lower place of action that stands side by side, lets go of pride and says we walk together through the muddy places of injustice towards healing and truth?

What is the most powerful voice of justice? Words or actions?

Change, Labels, Worship

Mike has an interesting post on “Labels”. After reading it this morning I am pondering three words – change, labels, worship.

Last year when The Passion of the Christ came out, the movie became a topic of discussion with four of us over dinner. Yes there were plenty of discussions in various venues universally on this area. But this one discussion, at my favorite restaurant- Café Intime, with 3 good friends, was particularly intriguing. Each of us stated our view on the Bible and whether or not we thought it was the Word of God, and each of us stated whether or not we thought Jesus Christ is God’s son.

One of the participants in the discussion had a European home with strict religious beliefs and a lot of abuse. Not an unusual story to hear, nor is the resulting disillusion with “Christianity”. I know all too well what “religiosity” does to the soul, particularly the feminine soul. I was going to say that is another discussion for another time, but it actually fits with where this is going.

My friend B and I went to see Being Julia the other night and on the way home discussed the movie and our thoughts. Somehow Jesus came up in the discussion and at this moment I don’t remember how, or even what ensued on that topic. Last night this same friend and I went to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants – Café Intime. Both of us are single women and last night she needed a safe place to share a part of her story. The movie had triggered a lot of thoughts for both of us. (Have shared some in the previous post.)

Sharing fresh hummus, tabouli and foul moudammous (a dish of adzuki beans) and a big pot of dry desert lime tea (ginger, mint, chamomile, lime) we talked, laughed, shared, pondered, engaged in conversation with the owners of the Café. The Café owners are struggling to keep their delightful place alive because it is off the main highway and hence has less traffic flow. Change. It is all to do with change and how this slow and slightly isolated coast hates change. This lead to a discussion of geographical areas that either resist change or embrace it, nationalities that fall into either category and how we personally fit in. When the owner moved away to greet more guests my friend turned to me and shared how she thought Jesus was the best example of someone who handled change. He was gentle but powerful, a radical who knew the culture well. He was someone who understood change, was an advocate of change and she wished the Church hadn’t so misrepresented Jesus and who he really was. I couldn’t agree more and I told her that this was the Jesus I want to know, am getting to know.

This morning I think about the label of “doing church”. Out of that I look at three particular discussions I have had with this European friend, all on a Sunday, all about Jesus and each of them making my soul dance in worship.

The first one was a Sunday morning walk by the sea with my two friends L and B. We took a break and relaxed on a rock where we could listen to the sea, feel the spray and soak in the sun. The discussion evolved into why they do not find church a safe place – it is a place of judgment not acceptance. Sitting there in the midst of majestic creation, having honest and open discussion, I felt elated. That was worship for me.

The second conversation was the evening at Café Intime where L, A, B and I discussed The Passion of the Christ. A strong spirited discussion of culture, religion, church, and faith. For me it was a kind of worship because I felt a deeper longing to really know who Jesus was/is. It was a Sunday evening.

Last night was the third Sunday conversation that meandered into the subject of Jesus. Having spent most of the day outdoors climbing Soames Hill, sitting at the beach reading and listening to the surf, I was filled with awe, joy and incredible peace, and worship the Creator. Over our delicious food and dry desert lime tea, B tells me that Jesus was the best example of change she has ever heard of. I had spent they day inviting the Spirit to speak with me, listening and waiting. Here the Spirit was speaking to me, making my heart dance and inviting me deeper into relationship with Jesus and learning to change. That was worship.

Change, labels, worship; however we see these three areas matters in the sense that they will either keep us stuck or they will move us forward is my question. They will either inhibit our search for, and relationship with, Yeshua/Jesus or, will allow us to go deeper and find it richer. I am not sure that there is a prescribed way to define change, labels and worship. They are just words that I am pondering this morning and realizing that all of them were in my glorious day yesterday. A day where the Spirit continues to change me, remove the labels and deepen worship within.

Performances

Last night I went to see the movie Being Julia. Julia’s life is a performance and no one really knows when she is acting. All because she doesn’t know who she is and therefore has no clue how to present the real Julia. In the end her best “performance” comes when she really knows who she is and speaks from her heart and soul, and fights for what she wants. Instead of playing at being a woman she became a glorious one full of life, real passion and hope.

Speak/write from your soul, someone recently said to me. Who am I? What do I have to say? What do I want to say? I can sit here and say I don’t know but the truth is I desperately want to know who I am, what it is I want to say and then to step out and say it. I am sick of the performance based life that was the accepted way for years. It stinks. Literally it is a stench to Abba. And it stinks to me. It isn't easy for my soul to speak without it being an acceptable performance. I am sick of that too. It stinks.

My soul isn’t silent – it is screaming, crying, wrestling, desperately seeking to know the true woman, and to laugh with her. She has been silenced by church, by fear. But she was also silenced when she was molested at nine years old, under the stairs, where an older boy took two little girls and would decide who was the best one to be his “woman” when playing house. You see, here I hide again. I switch to the third person as I write that as if it wasn’t me. It was me and my soul needs to let me tell the story and speak the truth.

Telling the story is very tough. Telling the story means unraveling all the twisted threads that lead into dangerous relationships where my soul wanted to speak but it continues to hide. Maybe by placing this thread of the story on Just Etchings I will find the courage to let the story completely unravel.

I ask Abba “Who are you” but he keeps saying “who are YOU?”. The silence and solitude of this journey is hell at times. I want to be rescued and given all the answers! Ha! I know, yes I do know, that it isn’t about being rescued. It is about being courageous enough to stay in the silence and the solitude and find the keys to unlock all the doors of the hidden soul, my own soul.

Keep The Lights On

As a child, after being tucked in, read to, and sung to, the lights were turned off and my parents would close the door, almost. It would always be left open a little and we would say keep the lights on. The glow of the hall light felt safer.
-Abba let us see your Light to feel safe

A newborn comes into the world just a little too early. Underdeveloped heart and lungs require some assistance. The delicate new life is placed in the incubator with special lights that keep the little one at the same temperature of the womb it has spent its entire life in.
- Abba keep the lights on when we are frail of heart and short of breath. Hold us in your Light

On a wild New Year’s Eve, the wildest winter storm we had experienced, we could not even see the road. Crawling along the highway we had our heads out the window trying to see anything that would indicate the road and keep us from driving into the ditch. The normal 10 minute drive on the country road took many times longer. Eventually, faintly, the high lamp by the barn was visible and we knew we were home. We were home and ready to join the party that had been planned in the warmth and light of the farmhouse.
-Abba you have kept the Light going through the storms we have fought our
way through and invited us in to join the celebration of living.

Lying out on the rooftop of the house on the Amalfi Coast, I could hear the sea, feel the wind and see the moonlight across the water. In the night the glow gave the scenery a new perspective from the sun of the day.
-Abba even in the night you keep the lights on and show us the beauty, draw
us into the peace and this soft glow of light is one of rest and tranquility.

Pure pressed olive oil for light, to keep the lamp burning continually in the house – the tabernacle.
Ten bridesmaids took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom. Five of those lamps ran out of oil and they missed the party in this parable Jesus told.

Yeshua you are Light and you asked us to be light and salt in this place. Holy Spirit pour the oil into our lives as we open them to you. Light the soul lamp that lights the whole body and lets us be light. Keep the lights on so we can find the safe place in the dark, so we can have our own incubator when we’re frail, so we find our sanctuary in the wildness of life. And keep the lights on so we remember to rest, to see, to feel, to hear, to touch beauty. Keep the lights on so we will want your company. Keep the lights on till we get home.

Command the people of Israel to bring you pure oil of pressed olives for the light, to keep the lamps burning continually. Exodus 27:20

Eagles

In North Vancouver a woman out walking her dog came upon a mass grave. Her dog lead her to the place where she found over 24 bald eagles who had been killed and had their tail feathers and talons removed. There is a market for these items - on the black market. In the Native culture eagles fly the highest and therefore reach the Creator. Sometimes the talons and tail feathers are an offering to the Creator on behalf of the people.

These glorious birds do fly high – the highest of almost any bird there is. They are symbols of freedom and power. This slaughter makes me, and many others sick. They will never soar again. Their beauty has been violated in this disgusting way and used for the profit of others.

How many people have had their soul mutilated and their wings to freedom clipped for the gain, glory or power of another? Their own “tail feathers and talons” have been removed so that their balance and ability to soar in the majesty of who they are as a person is gone. The wounds are so deep they can no longer stand tall, no longer reach out and take the high perch to view life in its wonder. Their ability to grasp and nurture and feed themselves, and others, with the beauty of life has been mangled.

We were designed to be eagles, to reach the highest places, come close to the Almighty. Brokenness has left us unable to rise up at all. But the Almighty, Yeshua, still sees us as the “eagles” we were created to be. Yeshua reaches down when we cannot rise up. You know how I carried you on eagles’ wings and brought you to myself. Yeshua comes to wrap the broken and wounded in those mighty wings and carry us to the place of healing, of restoring the broken tail feathers and talons. Each one is set free to wait for the wind, Ruach, open the heart, step out in faith and move, and rise up. Wounded eagles find a high rock, place their feet upon it, grasp it and stay in the sun waiting out the healing process.

Silence and solitude, and clinging to Abba, is the place I have found healing. Learning to wait there, listen to the whispers of Ruach, and trusting this healing process. Other “eagles” have encouraged me and modeled what it means to soar. They have stretched their wings over me and under the shadow is protection in the storm.

Yahweh thank you for the Rock that is a place to rest and heal. Let us know the movement of the wind of your Spirit. Let us be eagles for each other. Let us be aware of wounded eagles and be gentle with them as they are restored to freedom and flight again. Give us courage to not ignore your words for justice, mercy and faith.