Shoes

So much activity in these last weeks of the year where visiting, celebrating, eating, laughing and exchanging of gifts and stories takes place.

A year ago my Mom fell and broke her foot. Because of complications with diabetes the break has never really healed. Now she wears a brace and is having a special shoe made. She loves shoes. She has had a closet full of beautiful shoes. Now she has thrown them all away because she can never wear any of them again. Not only do they not fit anymore, they are dangerous for her to wear because she will lose her balance and be unable to walk.

Shoes that fit have been a nightmare for me all my life. I was born with very narrow feet that are hard to fit, and expensive to fit! Shoes that are easy to step into and have no heal in them are a great invention – no more blisters.

The other morning as I wrestled with some family dynamics it was like walking in shoes full of splinters of glass. Little pieces that imbedded themselves into the soul, cutting, shredding, affecting how I walk, taking away my ability to dance. How long have we worn shoes that don’t fit? They are not meant for us at all and trying to wear them not only creates blisters that bleed, heal and then are opened again, but we can’t run in them, we cannot dance in them and if worn for too long we stop walking altogether.

And so once again barefoot freedom is for me. Oh it means that this soul will feel every emotion, every joy, every pain, every temperature change more intensely. It means this soul cannot avoid living deeply and more passionately, just as it was created to. Barefoot freedom also means dancing at any point along the road of life. Even if no one else can hear the music. Will there be shards of glass? No doubt there will be plenty, there will continue to be. Yet every time I try to wear the shoes that don’t fit I realize my gait in life becomes laboured and I stop looking out, seeing only the awkward fit this footwear that is not mine. Then it is time to stop, let my soul be tended to by the One who calls me to walk barefoot, who holds my heart and asks me to look out, look beyond and start dancing again.

I think about the people in Asia that were walking barefoot along the beach enjoying the pleasure and warmth of it all. Suddenly they are swept away and may never walk again. Or perhaps they are walking barefoot in a daze surrounded by the cataclysmic changes that the earth has powerfully spewed upon this part of her planet. Their souls are in pain.

As 2004 ends tonight and we step into 2005, I stand barefoot, I kneel down and let my tears fall on Jesus feet where I know they are safe and I trust His heart. Gratitude for the adventures of the last 365 days of rivers crossed, bridges built and the knowledge that I walked through them all. There are mountains and valleys ahead in the next chapter and I consciously, deliberately stand barefoot, look ahead and chose to step into the adventure that I cannot see, knowing I will not walk alone. I am grateful for each person who walked beside me, who whispered “keep going”, and for those who simply kept walking and I could follow. Thank You Abba for the simple and elemental childlike way You want these bare feet to keep moving.