The seasons are changing and so I look at my wardrobe and see what has to be discarded and what I will keep. A trip to the second hand store is on my list for the week – to drop articles off and to see what “new” things I can find. There are some old coats I have had in the closet for a long time and I don’t know whether to hang onto them “in case” I will still wear them, or to pass them along to someone else.
Yesterday as I was driving along the road by the sea I passed the spot where a “God Moment” had taken place, and an old coat was discarded.
Several years ago I was about to leave for my second mission trip to Bulgaria. A good friend emailed me and said she had a strange request for me – take off the coat I didn’t need to wear. She explained that she had no idea what this meant but that as she prayed for my journey this was what she heard. A coat I didn’t need? What was this all about? Asking God to give me a picture was the only way I could know what this was about. The week before we left I was doing the routine trip to the Post Office. The Post Office, a General Store and a few others shops are all that exist in the town. The question to God was like a broken record in my head – what is this coat that I am supposed to take off? Turning off the country road, with a clear view of the sea the answer came – “take off your coat of self-protection”. And so the conversation began:
“My coat of self protection? Abba I have to wear it to protect my heart from all the pain and the rejection, being passed over and the insignificance I feel.”
“No my beloved one, you do not need to wear this coat. It is time to take it off.”
In my mind I saw myself removing this jacket and letting it drop to the ground. The realization that I was naked underneath the jacket of self-protection had me wanting to cover myself up again.
“Ah my beloved. You feel naked without that don’t you. You think I am ashamed of your nakedness? Oh no – I love to see you as you are, nothing hidden. I am not ashamed of who you are, nor am I ashamed of how I made you. Let yourself be open to My love, to my gaze and allow me to protect your heart. Remember I delight in you.”
This morning as I write this I am wondering why God reminded me of our conversation yesterday? What did I need to hear from Him about this discarded old coat? My heart has grieved some losses again recently and I am trying to keep my heart open and not shut it away. Gently, with a large dose of grace and love, Abba reminded me to keep my heart naked, open to His gaze, and know it is protected by Him. Anj’s piece here is another gentle reminder that an open heart is “how we can truly know love without boundaries”.
I am reminded of my request to God after waiting with, and watching, a dear friend die.
Depth of character
Strength of soul
Serenity of spirit
Tenderness of heart
Qualities that can only come with an open heart. It's a journey indeed.
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