The following article is from the introduction to the book The Wisdom of Wilderness, a book by Gerald G May, with the introduction written by Parker Palmer. I found this piece of "wisdom" to speak to embracing hard places, being in that place and being fully present.
"For Jerry, contemplative psychology takes us 'beyond all coping' to a place where we need not resist the difficult emotions of life but can become one with them, which helps become one with ourselves. Looking back on his early psychiatric practice, he (Gerald/Jerry May) criticized himself for spending too much time helping people 'cope' with their difficulties:
I have come to hate that word, because to cope with something you have to separate yourself from it. You make it your antagonist, your enemy. Like management, coping is a taming word, sometimes even a warfare word. Wild, untamed emotions are full of life-spirit, vibrant with the energy of being. They don't have to be acted out, but neither do they need to be tamed. They are part of our inner wilderness; they can be just what they are. God save me from coping. God help me join, not separate. Help me be with and in, not apart from. Show me the way to savouring, not controlling. Dear God, hear my prayer: make me forever copeless."
Pg XIII/XIV The Wisdom of Wilderness
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Gently Rocked to Sleep
At last - a day of warmth, gentle breezes, and the opportunity to put the hammock up. The fatigue that permeates my body, mind and heart is gently lulled into sleep, restorative rest and the wind rocks me back and forth as my body is cradled in this woven bed hung between the trees out in the garden.
The gentle outward rocking by the wind corresponded to the tender cradling of my spirit by the Almighty in the warmth of Light that is perfect peace.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Waiting In The Hard Places
With many changes in life in the past year, good changes, changes that challenge, there has not been as much space to sit in silence. Silence – that Holy Presence that invites one to sit, to wait, to listen, to be, and to know God. Silence which holds the space where the Spirit waits with her tenderness and wisdom, without condemnation or judgement, offering room for that gentle voice that brings Truth.
When the opportunity came for a week long Silent Retreat I was eager to sign up. My expectation was of a week in silence and maybe some gathering with the group for a short time in the morning and perhaps some time in the evening after dinner. Arriving slightly late on Bowen Island, due to the ferry running behind schedule, it meant rushing into the first gathering and the first session of Centering Prayer. The only seat available was a hard wooden chair – only 3 people had hard chairs while 13 had soft comfortable seats.
Between the schedule for the week, which involved 4 centering prayer sessions each day, and this hard chair, it felt like I had come to the wrong place! Where was my time to be totally alone for most of the day and to sit curled up in a soft enveloping chair to wait in Silence for the Spirit to come and bring her words of wisdom? Why did it have to be in a hard chair that I learned more of Centering Prayer? This dining room style chair of beautiful honey wood, with arm rests and a curved back, spindles that dug into my spine if I slouched, that gave no room for change. The first few days the prayer time was a place where I felt as if I was suffocating, and panic swirled within me and there was nothing soft to retreat into where I sat. This was not the calm inviting space I had yearned for it to be –it was a hard place to be for even the first 20 minutes of Centering Prayer, let alone another three 20 minute times consecutively!
Over the week I came to realize that this hard chair was indeed where the Spirit would sit with me, encouraging me to stop, and to simply listen to the sounds of the moment, where my soul could be opened to Holy Presence by waiting through the panic. Soul care was the theme of this time and the questions I had held out before going were being answered. Walking alone the raw tears flowed as the reasons for my own inner anxiety were shown to me and I gave the Spirit permission to show me more. This chair would not allow me to sink into the comfort of habit, but instead invited me to embrace waiting in the hard places and staying present to hear the beautiful sounds that have a language without words – birds, the wind, the sound of breathing, people passing quietly. I began to find the softness of sacred space, of Holy Presence sitting in that hard place.
With only one day left in this beautiful week I looked out on the glorious sunny day. A gentle knock at my bedroom door brought the message that my husband had been taken to hospital. Breaking my silence I phoned and got the details and ran to catch the ferry that I could see coming into dock.
Over the next 2 weeks sitting and waiting was all I could do as my beloved, David, was rushed to our local hospital and then a few days later he was airlifted out to a huge hospital in Vancouver where experienced vascular surgeons and radiologists could deal with the large blood clots in his legs, abdomen and lungs. Waiting room chairs where my attention wandered and my thoughts had to constantly be pulled back from the worst case scenarios as |I waited with David’s daughter and son-in-law. How often I came back to that safe place with the word, my sacred word, from Centering Prayer that reminded me to stay present, to stay in that moment with Them in Holy Presence.
David is home now and moving slowly but unable to go up the stairs to our bedroom. Last night I lay on the floor on a makeshift bed of chair cushions, listening to him sleep on the sofa. Waiting in the hard places is not over, but today I have a soft chair to relax into and the hard places that come again will call me back to that hard chair, and the Word, the whisper to the Almighty when it is essential to stay very present. My soft chair makes me think of how now I can exhale, and breathe easier as I consider how to live and move in this one moment, this hour, this day, with the hard places and the soft places, and the sounds of Holy Presence that are ever constant.
Waiting in hard places is an invitation, an embrace, and without a doubt a place where Love and the Beloved provide the softness for the heart to wait.
When the opportunity came for a week long Silent Retreat I was eager to sign up. My expectation was of a week in silence and maybe some gathering with the group for a short time in the morning and perhaps some time in the evening after dinner. Arriving slightly late on Bowen Island, due to the ferry running behind schedule, it meant rushing into the first gathering and the first session of Centering Prayer. The only seat available was a hard wooden chair – only 3 people had hard chairs while 13 had soft comfortable seats.
Between the schedule for the week, which involved 4 centering prayer sessions each day, and this hard chair, it felt like I had come to the wrong place! Where was my time to be totally alone for most of the day and to sit curled up in a soft enveloping chair to wait in Silence for the Spirit to come and bring her words of wisdom? Why did it have to be in a hard chair that I learned more of Centering Prayer? This dining room style chair of beautiful honey wood, with arm rests and a curved back, spindles that dug into my spine if I slouched, that gave no room for change. The first few days the prayer time was a place where I felt as if I was suffocating, and panic swirled within me and there was nothing soft to retreat into where I sat. This was not the calm inviting space I had yearned for it to be –it was a hard place to be for even the first 20 minutes of Centering Prayer, let alone another three 20 minute times consecutively!
Over the week I came to realize that this hard chair was indeed where the Spirit would sit with me, encouraging me to stop, and to simply listen to the sounds of the moment, where my soul could be opened to Holy Presence by waiting through the panic. Soul care was the theme of this time and the questions I had held out before going were being answered. Walking alone the raw tears flowed as the reasons for my own inner anxiety were shown to me and I gave the Spirit permission to show me more. This chair would not allow me to sink into the comfort of habit, but instead invited me to embrace waiting in the hard places and staying present to hear the beautiful sounds that have a language without words – birds, the wind, the sound of breathing, people passing quietly. I began to find the softness of sacred space, of Holy Presence sitting in that hard place.
With only one day left in this beautiful week I looked out on the glorious sunny day. A gentle knock at my bedroom door brought the message that my husband had been taken to hospital. Breaking my silence I phoned and got the details and ran to catch the ferry that I could see coming into dock.
Over the next 2 weeks sitting and waiting was all I could do as my beloved, David, was rushed to our local hospital and then a few days later he was airlifted out to a huge hospital in Vancouver where experienced vascular surgeons and radiologists could deal with the large blood clots in his legs, abdomen and lungs. Waiting room chairs where my attention wandered and my thoughts had to constantly be pulled back from the worst case scenarios as |I waited with David’s daughter and son-in-law. How often I came back to that safe place with the word, my sacred word, from Centering Prayer that reminded me to stay present, to stay in that moment with Them in Holy Presence.
David is home now and moving slowly but unable to go up the stairs to our bedroom. Last night I lay on the floor on a makeshift bed of chair cushions, listening to him sleep on the sofa. Waiting in the hard places is not over, but today I have a soft chair to relax into and the hard places that come again will call me back to that hard chair, and the Word, the whisper to the Almighty when it is essential to stay very present. My soft chair makes me think of how now I can exhale, and breathe easier as I consider how to live and move in this one moment, this hour, this day, with the hard places and the soft places, and the sounds of Holy Presence that are ever constant.
Waiting in hard places is an invitation, an embrace, and without a doubt a place where Love and the Beloved provide the softness for the heart to wait.
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