Embracing Moments of Surprise

Yesterday, Sunday, was an unexpected day of freedom (I usually work weekends). I am one of those introverted people that loves people but needs solitude to refuel, and I badly needed a topping up sort of day.

Whether you are single, like me, or married, we all need regular days of solitude and I call them my “date” days – just the Almighty and I spending time together to talk, to rest, to be surprised, to laugh, and to bask in Love, the only Love that allows me to feel completely whole and content. Yesterday was “date” Sunday, Sabbath and Solitude all in a glorious package of sunshine, shalom, restorative silence and a special meal out. It may have looked like I was sitting alone at my table in the sunshine at Horseshoe Bay, looking up at the mountains, writing, and reading – but I was not. My unseen “date” was Yeshua – the one I am growing to love more deeply, to become more intimate and honest with, and the one who created the whole scene on the restaurant deck, and offered me an invitation to accompany him. Being bathed in sunshine, the wind whispering against my skin, the serenade of winged life,and the inhaling and exhaling of the sea, held a love that imprints itself on my soul and brings life.

Several weeks ago I rushed in late to an appointment and the only parking spot was on the far edge in tall grass. When I returned to my car the still wet grass tickled my brightly painted bare toes and swished against the hem of my full red skirt. I stopped, inhaled, held my breath and slowly wiggled my toes, swayed my hips and began to laugh! There was no visible stop sign but indeed there was “Surprise” whispered in the morning sunshine that dared me to stop and be fully present in this moment of childlike delight and wonder. Its taste still lingers in my mind.

Driving through the Rockies recently and hurrying to make it through to Vancouver in order to catch the last ferry up the coast, my friend and I were making excellent time. This is the season for rock slides along the Trans Canada Highway and sure enough one had just happened – stopping all traffic for 4 hours. My friend was anxious to be home and she was restless and annoyed at this delay, while I could only begin to laugh! My trunk always has two folding arm chairs, there was plenty of bottled water and fruit in the cooler and the most glorious view to sit back and enjoy. Above the roar of the refrigeration trailers I could hear the varied songs of birds, the crashing of water that had changed from the ice it was high above and become cold clear running water splashing down the rock face. Again nature had conspired to stop the rush and open my senses to what I could only enjoy by being still. Our supper was indeed sacred communion - we enjoyed whole wheat crackers, cream cheese and red current jelly!

I find myself wanting to be surprised more often and my heart opening more readily to completely embracing these moments of Divine etching on my soul.

Holding the Power - Part 2

I continue to ponder the question addressed to me: “why do you surrender your power when you do not feel safe?”. Some of us surrender it, others take the power when they are not feeling safe and a power struggle ensues.

What I have realized in pondering this question, and trying to personally answer it, is that when one surrenders power and feels unsafe, we immediately assume the posture of the victim. This posture is reflected in our thinking, our body language, and our ability to choose, or rather not to choose. We relinquish our dignity when we do this I think. A downward spiral can occur, at least for me it can, unless I recognize it and take back my sense of dignity, and honor.

When we hold our power, again from my perspective, it doesn’t become who holds the power but rather an equality of power. This posturing allows me to honor the others, to honor myself and to choose not to take the role of the victim. Please don’t get me wrong – the victim is the recipient of huge abuse so often and to change this takes enormous courage and support, and the choice to take back their own power and begin the process of healing. I have lived out that role in my life and what I have realized is that I allowed myself to be "less than" by others actions, words, or religious traditions...and I believed it! To come to the place where one says "I am NOT less than", it seems to me, is the place to begin moving out of the place of being a victim and of taking back your power. There isn't usually a big news flash to the heart, mind and body of who you really are, but there is the knowledge that being lower or less than is not the true definition of myself and the road to truth begins. This seems too simplistic when in fact it is so mulitlayered within the soul, but it is a key to moving through those layers I think.

I am working on a writing project that needs to be written, in part, through the eyes of Martha and her culinary ministry. She was a woman of passion and openness, of energy and intelligence, who welcomed and created a sacred space of comfort and warmth for visitors to their home. Her conversations with Jesus, direct and honest, show that she moved outside tradition, followed her heart and also had a very comfortable relationship with Jesus because she addressed him in the manner of a trusted friend. But what happened when Mary was breaking tradition and sitting with Jesus and the other men listening and Martha was in the kitchen creating? I am wondering if she wanted to participate and listen but also wanted to create a great meal for them all. She did something I have done many times in the past - instead of being direct and saying "why don't you come in the kitchen, all of you, so I can join in, Martha instead stepped into the victim role, surrendered her power, and became the martyr. Instead of telling Jesus directly what she really wanted, and kept her power, she surrendered it and tried to make him responsible for her thoughts and actions. Martha thought of herself as less than in that place. In discussing this with my friend, she suggested that perhaps Jesus reply to her which seems almost trite, wasn't to say Mary was better but instead he was saying to her "Martha you are so talented and passionate, and I love that you live out your Divine calling, the beautiful vibrant woman you are, but at this minute you are trying to convince me that you have a raw deal and we both know that isn't the truth. You and I both know you haven't asked the real question and I want to hear you ask me that. Tell me your heart from your true identity - the place you really live in."

These are the thoughts that have been percolating on this question, and the ensuing discussions and your post responses.