Writing doesn’t come easily these days – the motivation to do so seems to have receded to somewhere that I cannot define. Reading doesn’t come so easily either but one feels it is essential to continue to think, to journal, to dialogue and to be in this space and embrace it to find all it holds. It is a space of tilling soil, removing the dead growth and discovering what life holds beneath what is visible.
Archeological digs held great fascination for me when I was a child – reading of them, researching, and digging into history to find its secrets. And perhaps the current “dig” is into the Word where I feel as if I must go slowly, let the breath of the Almighty sweep away the dust and layers of silt (and religious rhetoric) that have covered it, to find the true value, meaning and wonder of what these ancient words tell about the life of Jesus and breathe into life for me now.
Over the past few months I have been pondering how to love oneself in the way that is holy obedience and fits with what Jesus modeled. There have been several previous posts on this subject. Dallas Willard, in his book Renovation of the Heart, speaks of self denial but not self rejection. Henry Nouwen speaks of befriending yourself and claiming the sacredness of our being. There are many other writings eluding to this subject.
Jesus has a conversation with a religion scholar who wants to know how one gets eternal life. “That you love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence – and that you love your neighbour as well as you do yourself.” Jesus reply to this answer from the scholar is “Do it and you’ll live”. The question is how do I get eternal life and the answer involves loving God with all I am and do, and loving myself well and loving my neighbour well. Just doing that, according to Jesus, means I will live now and have eternal life, or perhaps the eternal life starts here and now.
So why then have so many of us in the church rejected who we are? I don’t know about you but I have begun to see that it is tied to loving my neighbour. My childhood was spent in a very legalistic hierarchical gathering where God was/and is, seen as the judge rather than the God of grace. We were never allowed to speak to, eat with, or mingle in any way with our neighbours (only with those of the limited circle of fellowship). I felt like a freak most of my life and self rejection has been a huge battle – although it was said to be self denial. In pondering Jesus words I see that we need true community to learn to love ourselves, and we need to love ourselves to give freely and abundantly to community, to neighbours, to those we meet anywhere and anytime in our life. Loving ourselves with honesty and open hearts would then allow us to be Light, and remove fear of the dark.
If we loved and valued our life as Jesus asked us to, would we not value the dignity and life of another? If we valued community as Jesus suggests we would not learn more humility as well as compassion, tenderness and grace? If we obeyed Jesus instructions would we not choose to passionately embrace life and find not only we live but we love differently?
Perhaps this sounds rather theoretical and I admit it is a theory I am pondering. Yet loving God will all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence can be theory if one doesn’t blend it with loving your neighbour as well as you love yourself. Loving yourself can’t be theory if it is truly love – because love is an action if it is really love.
Dusting off these ancients words reveals, for me, a question, an answer and a call to action to get the life my soul and heart and mind long for.